Platform 51

meet the women we work with

Sarah

Sarah feels crippled by debt, anxiety and loneliness.

I was in foster care all of my life. I have no family, no job and no friends locally. Now I’m living on my own. I’m very isolated. Six months ago someone suggested I come to Platform 51. I’ve been coming ever since. It gets me out of the flat. I get so fed up being inside on my own. I got a cat because I needed company. Then I got a dog because I thought I ought to get out and walk more. The animals help so much.

Being fostered, I moved around so much, I didn’t do much school. I lost count after 11 placements. There are so many blanks in my memory – whole chunks of my life that I haven’t got a clue about, I have no idea what happened to me – until about the age of 15. Then I went straight from foster care to being independent; and I knew nothing about anything, let alone how to care for myself, get a TV licence, rent a flat, nothing. And no one to help me.

I’m on disability benefit at the moment because of stress and anxiety. But I’d love to work. It would help get me out and about.

I’m already getting on well with a few of the girls here. But it takes time, you can’t make friends overnight. I’m getting involved with a few of the groups here and take part in as much as I can. We went swimming yesterday.

I find it hard to think about the future. I have a dream which involves winning the lottery, but I can’t even afford a lottery ticket now. Everything’s gone up in price and I really feel it. I had to get rid of the car because I couldn’t afford to run it anymore, so I walk everywhere now and that’s good for me. The money I got from selling car all went on paying off some debts. My benefits haven’t risen. Today for lunch I had my last meal. I have a couple of tins in the back of the cupboard but I can’t afford to buy anything else until next Monday and I don’t really know what to do. The gas and electricity is so expensive and my flat doesn’t hold the heat so even if I keep the heating on, I’m still cold.

The debt I still have stresses me. I can’t actually think of a day when I’m not stressed or tense or, like today, angry. Today I’m angry because my airbed exploded this morning, so I have no bed now. It’s doing my head in. I don’t really cope with it very well, to be honest. I’m currently waiting to see a counsellor, but I have no idea how long that will take. The doctor won’t put me on any drugs until I’ve seen a counsellor. I bite my nails. I smoke. I chew mints to help stop me but I still do it. Sometimes I self-harm. I just bottle it up, I have done all my life. The stress stops me functioning. I can’t ever relax. I go to sleep tense and I wake up stiff as board. I need a good night’s sleep.

I have a seven-year-old daughter. I’d only just left care when I had her, so I couldn’t look after her; I was still only growing up myself. So she lives with my ex-foster carers. I’m lucky to see her once a month because I can’t afford to get up there.

Please help us to help other women like Sarah.