Platform 51

meet the women we work with

Ninda

We have changed the name of the woman in this story to protect her identity.

Ninda was beaten and abused all her life. Now with practical and emotional help from Platform 51 she's rebuilding her life.

“I want people to understand my story, and for other women to know that they don’t have to suffer on their own any more.

“Since I was 10 my parents beat me. I never really knew why, I just thought they didn’t like me. If I tried to stick up for myself, they’d beat me more. The beatings continued until I left home and got married at the age of 16.

“I was happy for about 11 months and then I was raped by his brother-in-law. I didn’t know whether what happened was right or wrong, I was still only a child myself and my mum didn’t tell me about the birds and the bees. I didn’t know anything. I told someone about it and they said: ‘that’s rape, you should go to the police’. I thought I’d tell my husband about it first. He said I couldn’t go to the police because it would give the family a bad name. So I didn’t tell anyone. Soon after I told him, he started beating me. Several times I tried suicide, taking tablets, stabbing myself. The beatings continued for the next eight or nine years usually about twice a week... to be honest I lost count. I couldn’t leave him because I had nowhere to go.

“Once I tried to escape, I thought I’d sleep on the streets instead. But my brother saw me, picked me up said I had to go home.

“In the end I left him because he started beating the children. I’ve got three children, two of who are blind. He used to grab the back of their heads and smash them on the wall. That’s when I decided, enough’s enough. I suggested he go to his mum’s for a few days and while he was gone I changed all the locks and I never let him back in.

“My mum was disgusted. She said whether he kills the kids or kills you, you have to stay with him. I told her no. Now my own family resent me for divorcing my ex-husband. They say it’s shameful and in Asian culture you don’t do that. Even though he can cheat on you, beat you, you have to stay with him. It’s so wrong. Women shouldn’t have to go through this. I don’t accept it.

“ I got into another relationship. It was going well until I told him my story. Then he started beating me. One time he even pushed me through a window. I needed 36 stitches.

“Despite that, I stayed with him. I want someone to love me. I think I deserve love, because I’m not a bad person. I’ve never known nothing but violence all my life. I threatened to leave and he  begged me to stay, so I thought I’ll give it another try. He wanted to sleep with me but I said, no, not until I know you won’t ever hit me again. One night, I was having a drink but he’d spiked it. He was going to have me and I couldn’t do anything about it.

“Next day I told to a counsellor what happened. They said, that’s rape. I called the police. I asked my family for their support, but they said no, it’s shameful and people will look down on us. I said why is it you Asians can’t support people like me? I needed their help! In the end I dropped the charges. So he got off without punishment. I hate myself for it. I wanted to do it for all the other women but in the end I couldn’t.

Then I found the Platform 51 women’s centre. I’m so much stronger now. It’s this place that’s made me what I am. If it wasn’t for Platform 51 I’d be dead in the gutter now. That’s true. Either I’d have killed myself or my family would have killed me. Even the police told me, you know one day, he’ll kill you.

“The staff at Platform 51 asked me if I wanted to go to London to be at an event with politicians and lots of important people. I’d never been to London before. I was so nervous, but I was so excited! I saw Big Ben and the London Eye. I had to have someone with me the whole time because I was so scared. But it was amazing, like a dream!

“I never had friends of my own until I started coming here [Platform 51 centre]. I was never allowed to. Even now my mum tries to control me. She says I should stop coming here and that everyone here are slags. I said how dare you? I go there because I need help and they give it, they accept me, they care, and I have to get it from them because I don’t get help from you. I’m putting my foot down now, but at the same time, I feel like a bitch saying things like that to my mum. It’s really hard to say no.

“I still don’t feel safe. I can’t go out on my own, I’m too scared. I’m afraid of someone grabbing me from behind. I’m constantly looking over my shoulder. If I hear footsteps, I think they’re coming to get me. I have all these things in my head. All my life I’ve been beaten and I live in fear. But when I come to Platform 51, it’s like a holiday. I don’t have to be afraid here. The women here are so nice and we all help each other. It’s really, really good.”

Please help us to help other women like Ninda.