Platform 51

meet the women we work with

Diane

Diane has suffered repeated traumas throughout her life; miscarriage, bereavement, depression, family problems, a violent partner. She used alcohol to blot it all out and was sent to prison.

"I’ve been an alcoholic for 25 years; half my life. At my peak, I would start with just a bottle of wine in the morning and then it progressed to a bottle of vodka; big bottles. There was absolutely no prospect of getting through a day without a drink. I couldn’t even walk, not because I was drunk, but because of the withdrawal from it is horrendous, physically as well as mentally painful.

I’ve been convicted many times. Waking up in a police station cell was the lowest because I didn’t know how I got there and was covered in urine and faeces. I got a hangover, a really bad one with shakes, and the things that go on in your head … you see things, and you need a drink.

At Dad’s funeral I was absolutely paralytic. I just wanted to just get on top of that coffin and go with him. My will to live was gone and I couldn’t function anymore. I went into meltdown. All those traumatic events, the only way of getting through those was to blot it out with alcohol.

I met up with my youngest son’s father. It was a physically very violent relationship – see this scar? He hit me and he pushed me into the side of a radiator. I accepted the violence from him because I thought he was my punishment. He beat me two, three times a fortnight, at the weekends…  I stuck it for ten years.

I was living in a very close knit community. They knew I was an alcoholic because I use to stagger all over the place. I had two or three really bad road accidents and I’d pinch vodka from the local shop. I got arrested two or three times. One time, there was a row and I just flew at my partner. The police came and I got arrested again. Social Services took my son away from me. I had no confidence left.

I even stole money from my disabled, elderly mum. She tried to stop me; she knew it was for booze. I can’t remember striking her but I did. The police pitched in I was arrested. I feel totally ashamed. So now I’d got theft, two really serious drink driving incidences as well as assaulting mum. I was even too drunk to go to Court. So the judge had me rearrested, and sent me to prison for a month. It was a relief actually. There was no alcohol. The prison service were very, very good. I suffered really severe detox, but they helped me through it.

I’m still on probation. But the first thing came out of prison was get my money and get a drink. If only there had been some kind of follow-up as soon as I was released! And so it snowballed again for six months. There was nothing good about me.

Probation suggested I join the women’s group. I thought the Platform 51 worker was being silly when she told me there were good things about me. I thought 'I’ll listen to you Mrs but you are not going to get through'.Gradually I found myself thinking she’s not talking so daft after all. One week we talked about assertiveness. I found it really hard. She really put us on the spot and then it hit me like a thunderbolt. Something clicked. She deserves an award to get through to someone like me! Now I feel awesome! I feel blooming fantastic! I’ve learned ways of coping. And when things get difficult now, I can hear her voice in my head advising me. She’s helped me take control!

Before, I didn’t think I even deserved to live or even speak to people. If anybody is in any doubt that it can work, if it can help someone like me, the lowest of the low, it can help anyone. All this crap about go to this advisor or that doctor… rubbish. Just get on one of those Platform 51 women’s group courses. That course is a lifesaver, a lifesaver!

Please help us to help other women like Diane.